I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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