I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
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