it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
