....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
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Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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