god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
