dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
