So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
