i need an iv and a liver transplant
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
