Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
