like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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