Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
