He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
