I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
