I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
