Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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