I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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