i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
