meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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