I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
