the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize