I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
