these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
