He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Randomize
