It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
