there's paper in my vomit.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
