Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
