he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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