I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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