walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
