life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
