we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Just puked most of my soul out..
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