doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
