Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
