i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
