I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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