sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
