Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
pop tarts are not kleenex
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
