somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
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