I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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