Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
