my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're like the curious george of whores
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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