Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
