who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
