God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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