I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
