High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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