You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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