Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
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