Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
