we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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