we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
