if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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