Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
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She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
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Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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