There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.