Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.