if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
