I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
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It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
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Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?