We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.