Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I'm getting married
To pizza
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
