Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
If I die, sorry about rent.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
