In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
