You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
