Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Dicks are not precious.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
