Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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