Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
