I wish you could order shots online.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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