my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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