Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Randomize
