So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
