What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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