I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
