So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
