I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
