It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
