oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Randomize
