Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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