I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
