At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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