forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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