so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
