if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
