a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
