Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I understand Curling. That high.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
