Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Randomize
