You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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